Change is the only constant in life. Learn how to help your child face uncertainty—from recognizing their fears to supporting Worrier and Warrior COMT gene variants.
"Change is The Only Constant in Life" — Heraclitus
The ancient Greek philosopher Heraclitus provided an accurate description of life. It's a fact that not everything in life goes according to plan. Unexpected events, such as moving to a new place, changing careers, or going through tough times, can happen to anyone. Uncertainty is a natural part of life, whether it arises from significant changes in our lives, or from dealing with a global crisis like a pandemic.
It's difficult to live in uncertainty. Just like our basic need for food and shelter, we also require information about the future. When things feel uncertain, our brains kick in with a stress response, in an effort to protect us. Our minds wouldn't be at rest until things are back to being certain and clear. However, as we learn to navigate through uncertainty, we also build resilience and adaptability, making us stronger for whatever lies ahead.
As a parent, you may have noticed that your child can sometimes struggle with uncertainty. Whether it's starting at a new school, making new friends, or dealing with changes in the family, they are on their own unique journey that can be full of uncertainty. Helping your child understand and cope with these life surprises can provide them with a steady guide to growing up and make it an exciting adventure rather than a bumpy ride.
To start off, it's important to recognize when your child is feeling uncertain. Studies show that even little ones can sense when things are uncertain, even if they can't quite put it into words. Instead of directly saying they feel worried or unsure, kids might show it in more subtle ways:
Physical responses: Tantrums, meltdowns, hitting, throwing or breaking items. Emotional responses: Crying, withdrawing, feelings of anger, frustration, fear or anxiety. Behavioral responses: Avoiding situations, hesitating, not following instructions or not listening to parents or teachers.
There is a region of the brain that is responsible for controlling anxiety called the Amygdala. Imagine the brain as a bustling city, with the Amygdala as the guardian on high alert. In times of uncertainty, the Amygdala signals danger, releasing stress chemicals. This old protection system, which is essential for survival, has been a constant companion for thousands of years.
Now picture the brain as having two friendly neighbors: the logical left brain and the emotional right brain. The left brain prefers order and language, whereas the right brain is more concerned with emotions and the big picture. During anxiety, the right brain tends to take over, resulting in a whirlpool of feelings that may be overwhelming and not make sense straight away.
Now, enter the COMT gene, the genetic architect influencing how the brain handles stress. There are two variants: the 'Worrier' and the 'Warrior'. The Worrier variant breaks down stress chemicals slower, causing individuals with the 'Worrier' gene to perform well in low-stress conditions but struggle with uncertainty, being prone to worry and anxiety. On the other hand, the 'Warrior' variant breaks down stress chemicals faster, causing individuals with the 'Warrior' variant to thrive under pressure, benefiting from stress as motivation.
When children with the 'Worrier' gene variant face uncertainty, the Amygdala's alarm rings louder. Their emotional side of the brain (right brain), guided by the COMT gene, can take the lead, making feelings more intense. The logical left brain may find it a bit challenging to make sense of this emotional whirlwind.
For children with the 'Worrier' gene variant, focusing on school projects and focused tasks can be a strength, thanks to their excellent attention and memory skills. Yet, they might struggle with worries and anxiety during stressful situations, like navigating social dynamics or facing constant academic pressure. On the other hand, children with the 'Warrior' gene variant excel in handling pressure, thriving in sports events and time-sensitive tasks. However, it's crucial to help them strike a balance. Even though they handle stress well, ensuring they don't overlook the long-term impact is essential for their emotional well-being.
It is noteworthy to recognise that there is no superior or inferior gene variant. Each variant has its own unique advantages. As parents, our responsibility is to support our child's genetic potential by providing an environment that meets their specific needs.
Stability and routine: Children with the Worrier variant often thrive in stable environments with predictable routines. Establish a consistent daily schedule for activities like meals, homework and bedtime.
Gentle encouragement: Encourage new experiences and challenges in a gentle, supportive manner, without pushing too hard. If your child is anxious about joining a sports team, start with attending games as a spectator, gradually moving to participating in practice sessions.
Emotional support: Offer plenty of emotional support and validation. Acknowledge their feelings and teach them coping mechanisms for anxiety—practice deep breathing or mindfulness exercises together when they feel overwhelmed.
Challenge and physical activity: Children with the Warrior variant often benefit from environments that offer physical challenges. Encourage participation in sports, outdoor adventures, or other physical activities that channel their energy positively.
Intellectual stimulation: Provide opportunities for problem-solving and critical thinking. Introduce them to strategic games, science projects, or debate clubs that stimulate their intellectual engagement.
Autonomy and responsibility: Allow them some autonomy to make decisions and take on responsibilities. Let them choose extracurricular activities or lead a small household project, giving them a sense of control and accomplishment.
As parents, guiding your children to stay calm while managing their big emotions is vital. We can achieve this by helping them balance the logical left side and emotional right side of the brain.
Right side (emotional) — Empathy and validation: When they express anxiety, listen empathetically, and validate their feelings. "I understand that uncertainty can be challenging for you. Your feelings are valid."
Left side (logical) — Identification and labelling: Encourage them to identify and label their emotions. "Let's figure out what you're feeling. Are you more worried, excited, or a mix of both?"
It's crucial to understand that when a child is experiencing an emotional outburst such as crying or throwing a tantrum, their emotional brain takes over. Trying to reason with them using their logical brain will likely be ineffective. Instead, show empathy and validation first (calm the emotional brain), and once they have calmed down, help them identify and label their emotions (engage the logical brain).
Tell your child that change may be beneficial, but we must work for it to make it so. Ask your child to recall a moment when they were unsure about a change, but it turned out to be good. When your child realises that they've conquered uncertainties before, it can empower them to tackle each day with optimism. For instance, if it's the first day at a new school, remind them that their first day in kindergarten was uncertain too, but they still managed to thrive and made friends.
Your aim is to listen, try to understand and let them know it's okay to feel that way. Avoid dismissive phrases like "Don't be scared" or empty promises like "You'll be fine." Instead, say: "I can see you're a bit anxious about meeting new people. It's normal to feel that way, and I'm here to support you."
Guide your child to avoid dwelling on things beyond their control. Worrying will not change the outcome. Encourage them to face uncertainties head-on. Avoiding situations that make us anxious actually makes anxiety stronger. "Do it scared" is a great mindset to live by. Break down daunting tasks into smaller manageable steps, practice activities that cause anxiety in a safe environment, and teach them to assess evidence for and against their anxious thoughts.
Help your child see uncertainty as a thrilling treasure hunt where surprises await. Instead of dwelling on the negatives, encourage them to come up with three to five positive outcomes they can look forward to. For example, starting a new school might mean making new friends, discovering exciting subjects, and creating fond memories with teachers and friends.
Life is a journey full of changes and surprises. By tuning into how their brains work and being there for them with love and support, we're giving them the superpowers to handle uncertainties like the little champions they are!
Equip yourself with the knowledge to empower your child on their journey through life. Discover their unique strengths and tendencies with our Decode Talent DNA Test (DTDT). Understanding is the first step to empowering your child against the challenges of uncertainty. Do visit us at www.agtgenetics.com for more information.
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A deep understanding about your child's nature empowers you to make parenting decisions tailored for their needs, enable you to nurture them well and truly give them the best that they deserved. Understand your child's DNA today with Absolute Genetic Technologies' Decode Talent DNA Test (DTDT) today!